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Confessions Of A Not So Hardcore Survivor

“Vive” in Spanish means “Lives” and the preposition “Sur” in English means “Above”, combined together will be above-living or survive. Survivors are those who had to rise above all the reasons that tried to stop them from living and they are always looked at with admiration, like they are the phoenix that rises from its own ashes. But while this image is too good to be true, being a survivor is a double edged sword and the grass is not always greener on the other side. It is a daily struggle before, during and after each mishap.

These are a few things of the dark side to being a survivor:

The "They won't get it" Syndrome

You think you can only connect with your fellow survivors, especially those who have been through the same mishaps, because you know that people only understand what they have experienced first-hand. And of course, the last thing on earth you would want for others is to become familiar with the same pain; it’s the truth that some people just “UNDERSTAND”, but that’s not the whole truth, because if you allow it, you will find that there are millions of ways humans connect to each other; but the variation in human interactions and energies is limitless and changes all the time.

Fear of Normality or Completion

Ruining things to survive them, because the pressure and the weight you have on your shoulders while carrying out your day-to-day duties over the time provides some sort of mischievous stability. And once this weight is shaken, it alarms your fear to sabotage whatever the cause is, even if it was your happiness. You will know that regret is way more scary than your fears the hard way.

Not Putting Yourself First

Protecting others because you think they don’t have the know how yet for surviving certain things, which is a dark form of chivalry. And the funny thing is when it comes from someone who has been stabbed with their own type of Kryptonite and lived to tell the story. What you can do is to tame the control freak inside and que sera sera.

Your Real is not Everybody's Real

Questioning your feelings unless they are as intense as pain, because you have a false definition for what’s real should feel like. If a certain emotion is not heart piercing enough then it doesn’t exist to you. You are so wrong by the way.

Strength can be become a Foe

Knowing you are strong and being praised for it can make you fall into many mental traps like thinking too high of yourself or even subconsciously victimizing yourself, even for a brief moment.

Either Become a Saint or Satan

Treating yourself as a victim and you will be blaming only others for anything that happens to you, rather than troubleshooting what has went wrong, and you will miss on one of the best chances of personal growth. Not to mention that a life of misery shall be ahead of you if you are a passive self-loathing person who would rather hurt themselves than others. And if your are not, you will become toxic to those around you and start manipulating them even unintentionally. And little by little, the the piece of coal that was becoming a diamond will transform into poisonous arsenic, we all know that every predator was once a victim that delivered the habit.

Overprotecting Yourself From Life

Half opening your heart to the world, as you want to be good to others while knowing that everything is temporary, and as true as this maybe however, there are two types of temporary; long term temporary and short term temporary. Know that shutting out the world will shut you from living the life you want and deserve, and your heart may break either ways, so make life worth it.

You are the Anti-Damsel in Distress

You want people to know what you have been through to understand you more. Yet, some feel like saving and protecting you, which vexes the badass amazonian in you who witnessed the world’s end and lived to see another day. And eventually, you push them away to free them from their self-imposed responsibility towards your happiness and they hate you for it. But you would rather be hated or misunderstood than feel their pity.

You Make or Break Others

If someone goes through what you went through, you either be there for them and try to walk them through it gently – and it brings back all the emotions you experienced during your hardship, but that is only if you an empathetic survivor – or if your are not of the empathetic type, not even in a cognitive non emotional way, you treat the whole situation either with minimal care or complete apathy, convincing yourself that the should learn how to do it on their own like you did, you heartless heartless person.

Knowing Too Much

Being self-aware, in fact too self-aware for your own good, also you can fall into the trap of feeling like the center of the universe and become an egotist or self-absorbed if you don’t always manage your racing thoughts properly.

Being Treated As An Iceberg

When something bad happens because that’s life and out of the blue someone tells you that this should not bother nor affect someone who have been through worse. And you wish they know that each incident has it own impact, magnitude and circumstances, and strength is is not always linear. Survivors have feelings too, people!

It is a powerful word indeed, a word that should never be applied exclusively to those whom have been through obvious tragedies like war, fatal accidents, suffered from illnesses or lost their beloved; for everyone was, is or will be a survivor, C’est La Vie. And even if we know this like we know the certainty of death, each time it takes us off guard when something happens.

What is really important is to do our best not allowing ourselves become the monsters in our mental closets or turn our future selves into people we would hate if we met, to know that everything happens for a reason and surely it will always take a part of you, but never let it take the good in you, rather lose the bad.

Revive, do not just Survive.

Confessions Of A Not So Hardcore Survivor

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